


How Tucker's Rap Career Starts and Ends in the Same Day

by lorb



Series: Church's Market [3]
Category: Red vs. Blue
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Multi, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-21
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-06-14 03:45:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 9,237
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15379947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lorb/pseuds/lorb
Summary: “I have some questions…” Simmons said cautiously, trying to side step any confrontation.“I have several.” Grif was less worried about upsetting anyone. “Like, what the fuck was that?”Tucker had commandeered the breakroom radio to show off his new mixtape. He had deemed himself The Notorious T.U.C. (and heard endless mocking about it). He decided it was time to let the rest of the crew know how talented he was.“Hey, man, don’t be jealous that I obviously have a gift. It’s definitely going to pick up some ladies.” Tucker sat back in the chair confidently.





	1. How Tucker Got Them To the Gig

**Author's Note:**

> A story about relationships after a crazy night at the bar.  
> This is from the series where the crew all works at a grocery store, for more information please read the first part of this series entitled "How Church's Market Opens Up."

The overproduced sounds began to fade out and Tucker looked around the breakroom, eying everyone’s reactions.

“It’s good, right?” He waited for an approval.

“I have some questions…” Simmons said cautiously, trying to side step any confrontation.

“I have several.” Grif was less worried about upsetting anyone. “Like, what the fuck was that?”

Tucker had commandeered the breakroom radio to show off his new mixtape. He had deemed himself The Notorious T.U.C. (and heard endless mocking about it) **.** He decided it was time to let the rest of the crew know how talented he was. 

“Hey, man, don’t be jealous that I obviously have a gift. It’s definitely going to pick up some ladies.” Tucker sat back in the chair confidently.

“Yeah, maybe tone-deaf sluts.” Grif countered, smiling lopsidedly.

“Your sister wasn’t tone-deaf when she was screaming my name.” Tucker zinged right back. “Did you get that I was implying your sister was a slut? Because she is. An easy one.”

“That might be true, but I know she hasn’t slept with you. And that’s saying something.” Simmons sipped his coffee but his lips lifted at their corner. Grif looked at him, clearly pissed that Simmons was bashing his sister like that. Before Simmons could backtrack over himself apologizing and trying to save face with Grif, Tucker redirected the conversation.

“Don’t distract me by talking about Grif’s whorey sister-”

“I think she’s empowering herself! Taking everything inside her and-” Donut started but was cut off.

“I said don’t distract me! What about my fire tracks?”

“Ok, so one of my questions is about…” Simmons grabbed the cd case and referenced the track listings. “Track 3,  _ My Main Bitch,  _ you said you loved this girl so much you’d have her baby?” Tucker nodded. “You do know that’s not physically possible right?”

“Actually, I’m a lot more interested in the next line.” Church put a hand up to stop the conversation. “You love her so much, and I quote, ‘I’d have your baby, but I already did.’ Tucker, do you have a kid?”

“Oh fuck yeah, this is Jr.” Tucker pulled out his wallet to show a picture of a baby. Simmons jaw dropped and Grif raised his eyebrows. 

“He has your eyes!” Donut took it in stride, “Did you give him anything else?”

“You’re a father…?” Simmons looked from the baby picture to Tucker trying to make sense of this new information. “How?”

“You see, Simmons, when a mommy and a daddy get really drunk-” Grif took Simmons’ hand.

“Fuck off.” Simmons ripped his hand from Grif’s. “But really, how did we not know that?”

“I don’t see him that often.” Tucker looked genuinely upset about this, but carried on,  “His bitch whore of a mom took him a state away and just sends me pictures in exchange for most of my paycheck. She’s such a bitchy whore.”

“Then why the fuck did you write a love song about her?” Church griped.

“Oh chicks love that mushy romance shit.” Tucker nodded. “So I threw in a fuck ton of lies and romantic words and made that track so girls think I’m romantic and loving and they’ll sleep with me.”

“Yeah, yep, that sounds about right.” Church groaned.

“Amazing…” Simmons seemed lost. 

“Ok, I have a question!” Donut piped up, grabbing the cd case. “In  _ Suck My Dick,  _ the chorus goes ‘Suck my dick, suck my dick, suck my dick, I’m tel-”

“There’s one more ‘suck my dick’ before the next line.” Tucker corrected.

“Right. So the second verse you’re definitely talking about a man, and a man you work with. And then you get to the chorus, you know, ‘Suck my dick, suck my dick,’ etc.. So was that an actual request?” Donut gave his best flirty eyes, batting his lashes. “I am especially talented at getting my tongue rea-”

“Donut, no, stop! It’s like, suck my dick means fuck off. Like, I’m right, so suck my dick. Or I slept with your sister, suck my dick.” Tucker turned to smirk at Grif.

“She still hasn’t, suck my dick.” Grif gave it right back. 

“Oh, you won’t have to Tucker! Simmons is doing it enough.” Donut winked at the two sitting next to each other. Simmons turned bright red and choked a little on his coffee. Grif swallowed visibly and looked away. 

“Gross. No thanks for that image, Donut. But I’ve got a gig this Friday. You should come, and oh, bring your fucking sister and any of her slut friends.” Tucker refused to let Grif take this one. 

“We will be right there! Covering the place with all of our love!” Donut spoke for the room before anyone could object.

“No, you idiots will be there, I’m seeing my girlfriend that night and Tucker’s shitty rap career doesn’t come between that.” Church was more gloating than informing.

“Yeah thanks for the support like always Chuch.” Tucker flicked him off.

“Yeah and I don’t want to. I got a date with netflix and an extra large pizza.” Grif sank back in his chair.

“I just really don’t want to hear any of that again. Ever.” Simmons nodded quickly.

“You’ll both be coming or else I’ll tell the head honcho what you’ve been doing in the walk-in cooler. And I’m not talking about counting the sausages, oh wait, maybe I am. Anyway, I’ll be at your house at 9! Tell your sister to wear yellow, it complements her skin tone.” Donut departed.

“See you fucks at the show!” Tucker smiled.

* * *

 

The night of the gig, Donut showed up to Grif’s house with Simmons already riding in tow. The two walked up the stairs to the second floor of the apartment building and knocked on the door. Simmons wondered if the railing on the walkway would hold as he moved it back and forth. The Grifs lived in the worst part of town and probably the worst building in it. From inside the door they could hear Grif yelling at his sister something about how she wasn’t wanted at this particular event. When he opened the door Kaikaina was standing behind him, fully dressed to go out.

“Tell her no one wants her there.” Grif was turned to glare at Kai.

“Oh you’re definitely wanted! In fact Tucker specifically requested you!” Donut said before Simmons could agree with Grif.

“Hah! I’ll get my bag!” She rushed back to her room.

“Isn’t it at a bar?” Simmons asked. He knew Kai was only 19, or maybe 20 now, but definitely not legally able to be in a bar.

“I have a fake!” Kai yelled from within.

“Of course you do.” Grif wiped his face. Being a guardian, even only being semi-responsible, was wearing him down. “I cannot wait until she moves out!” Grif yelled ensuring that she heard. 

As the four of them descended the stairs, Grif gave Kai a list of rules. No drinking, no drugs, no flirting, no going home with anyone, and absolutely no Tucker.

“You shouldn’t have done that.” Kai said in a sing song voice. “Now I just want him, and I didn’t before!” She hopped the last steps.

“She’s right, the forbidden phallus is the best phallus!” Donut agreed while Simmons and Grif both groaned. 

The bar was only a few miles away so they got there pretty quick. They pulled into a sandwich shop and the boys looked around.

“This can’t be the right place,” Simmons said.

“No it has to be! I followed Tucker's directions to a D!” Donut’s voice still betrayed a confusion but he knew he had followed the instructions.

“The phrase is to a T!” Simmons snapped back. “He said he was performing at a bar, not a sandwich spot.”

“I’m gonna get a sandwich and let you all figure this out.” Grif grabbed for the door handle but Simmons swatted at him. “Man, fuck you.” Grif grumbled but he leaned back in the seat.

“It's underneath the sandwich place.” Kai sounded sure of herself. The boys in the car turned to her with varying looks of incredulity.

“What did you take! I clearly said no drugs!” Grif chided his sister. Now he normally didn't care about drugs, but when it came to his sister (going into a bar underage!) he wasn't about to go easy. Simmons looked pleased, which made Grif reconsider his stance.

“Man, fuck off. The bar is below the shop. There's stairs on the back side.” Kai smiled, feeling like she finally had the upper hand. “It's kind of a hole in the wall place but they never check IDs and I can usually get a few drinks for free from the regulars.” Grif could feel the years shaving off his life. 

They followed her behind the store to see that she was in fact right. Descending the concrete steps and hearing the sound of Tucker’s mic check, they each realized that this was going to be a strange night.


	2. How Simmons Woke Up

_ Where am I? _ Simmons looked around the room he was in. The mattress was on the floor, there were piles of clothes all around the room, a box of pizza (mostly but not all gone) beside him. There was a small window near the ceiling letting in a sliver of artificial yellow light. There was no clock.  _ Oh god. I’ve been kidnapped! I'm a sex slave! I don't even know how to sex! Well I can have sex but I'm not great at it, what if no one wants me and they have to kill me? Will they tell my parents? Will my dad disown me if he finds out I'm a sex worker? Oh god what if- _

“I can literally feel you overthinking.”  _ Grif’s voice, oh thank god I'm not a sex slave. What if I'm Grif’s sex slave!  _ Simmons felt a heavy hand on his forehead and heard Grif shush him. 

He took a moment to breathe. Slowly letting his brain pick out the familiar details; the horror movie poster, the stack of cds, the orange sheets. Yeah he'd definitely had this view before. Jesus, he felt like shit. He suddenly remembered walking into the bar but there was nothing after that.  _ Wait… oh god, where are my pants.  _ Simmons let out a quick squeal than rolled to look at Grif.

“Did we...?” He couldn't find the words.

“You passed out drunk on my living room floor and crawled into bed with me an hour later.” Grif shrugged. “ _ You _ tried some shit but  _ I  _ stopped it.” They had definitely kissed, Simmons lips felt sore.

“Well… thank you for preserving my dignity." Simmons fought the urge to give him a small kiss now.  _ No one is here, no one would know. Grif would know. Grif will think I have feelings for him, would that be so bad? I could just, but maybe- _

“Dignity my ass.” Grif snorted, leaning up on his elbow.  _ No. Bad idea, abort idea. Grif sucks.  _ “You dueted Taylor Swift with Donut at the bar. Oh also,” Grif added, “You came in here ass naked and I had to put a fucking shirt on you.” 

Simmons sniffed the shirt. It smelled like BO and fucking mustard. Simmons sat up like a lightning bolt, heaving. He ripped the shirt over his head and tossed it into one of the many piles. 

Grif raised an eyebrow and gave a half smile.  _ Oh fuck. I'm naked in Grif’s bed _ . Grif checked him out, and Simmons hated to admit that he was into it. There was a soft whistle from Grif as Simmons’ body betrayed his secret.  _ Oh fuck, oh fuck, clothes. I need my clothes.  _ Simmons sprung up, feeling his face get hot. He rushed for the door,  _ where the fuck are my clothes. _

Simmons flung it open and searched for his discarded clothes.

“Did you sleep well, Simmons?”

“ _ Holy fuck,  _ Donut?!” Simmons voice cracked and he instinctively covered himself. 

“Hey, ugh, Donut’s on the couch.” Grif called nonchalantly from the bedroom.  _ Thank you asshole.  _

“Don't be embarrassed Simmons! You may not be the biggest I've ever had but you're much more endowed than quite a few-"

“Please stop staring at my dick, Donut.” Simmons said the words so fast they combined into one.

“I'm just saying! You aren't that hard on the eyes though you  _ are  _ pretty hard. Was it a good morning, Grif?” Simmons so wished he were dead right now. Grif had joined them in the living room. How was Simmons standing naked (and red, very red) in a room of clothed people.

“I've had better.” Grif smirked and shrugged, forcing Simmons to suck in his upper lip and flare his nostrils. Grif didn't really care.  “Hey Donut? What time did Kai get back?”

“Oh, she didn't come in.” Simmons had located his clothes and was hopping into them when it registered what they were saying. 

“You don't know where Kai is?” Simmons looked to Grif.

“You,” Grif pointed at donut, “told me she went home with some guy.”

“No, no, you're confused. I said she was with some guy! They were in the closet at the bar! I tried to get her to leave but I couldn't get her to come, which isn't that surprising.” Donut nodded as though remembering the scene. 

“You left your underage sister at a bar?!” Simmons screeched. His head reeled and he sat down, resting it on the table. Through blurry eyes he watched Grif run back to his room and return with his cell phone to his ear.

“Her phone's probably dead.” Grif sighed. “You better figure out where she is, Donut. This is your fault.”

“She's an adult, Grif. Let her spread her,” Donut noted that Grif was rounding up on him, “wings! She'll come home when she's done with whoever she's with! Buuut… if you're really worried you could call Tucker.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah sweet Simmons. This whole fic won't be all Grimmons, but there will be a return later!


	3. How Tucker Found Himself In the Closet

_ Fuck… _ Tucker didn't know where he was. There were boxes everywhere, bottles littering the ground, the one nearest his hand was mostly empty,  _ tequila? No surprise I feel like shit.  _ There was a fine set of legs beside him,  _ oh hell yeah! _ He remembered the gig suddenly. The work crew had come in,  _ with Kaikaina _ he recalled smugly. He had gotten through 3 of his tracks when the owner of the bar gave him a check to stop rapping. Fuck, he hadn't even gotten to  _ Suck My Dick! _

“Fuck me.” Tucker groaned. The pair of legs stirred, causing Tucker to turn and set his charms to full blast. There was something familiar about her thick hair. “Morning baby.”

“Fuck off Tucker!” She rolled over and Tucker realized where he recognized the hair.  _ Shit shit shit! _

“Aw fuck, Kaikaina?” He felt a mixture of excitement and also fear.  _ If Grif finds out I'm totally fucked. _

“What were you expecting? Ariana Grande?” Kai sat up, rubbing her back.

“Where are we? Did we finally get it on?” Tucker smiled, all teeth.

“The closet at that shitty bar. And no, asshole. You pussied out last second. Like you always do.” Kai reached for her phone, checking the time 4:26.

“We could always try again?” He leaned on one elbow and raised his eyebrow.

Kai rolled her eyes and stood up. Going to the door, she moved to open it but it stayed in its place. Tucker heard her curse under her breath right before she slammed all of her weight against it. It didn’t budge and she cursed again. She picked her phone up off the floor, looked at it and sighed, apparently upset with it.

“Are you getting any signal in here?” She looked at him for a moment. Tucker groped in his pockets and pulled out his cell. Kai sat down on one of the boxes and kicked a half empty bottle of vodka across the floor.

“How’d we end up in here anyway?” Tucker grabbed the bottle and took a swig, choking a little on the burn. “Shit!” He coughed.

“I don't know how you got in here, but Donut lied to me and said there was a hot guy in here ready to bone.” Tucker felt a mix of pride and apprehension. How was Donut the only one who thought he was hot? “He lied about both things.”

“How’d we get locked in here though?” Tucker passed the bottle to Kai. 

“I don't really know that one. But we'll probably be here for awhile.” She upended the bottle and drank, emasculating Tucker when she didn’t choke or react at all. They sat in silence; the tension was so thick he felt it stifling him.

 

“Kai, what the fuck did you mean, like I always do?” Tucker sat up.

“I meant what I said. You  _ always  _ back out right when we're about to have sex.” She rolled her eyes. 

“What? No. We never get that close. And you can't say always when we've only gotten anywhere near fucking like three times including this one.”

“Three? God Tucker you are so dumb!” She took another pull from the bottle.

“What? You're trying to tell me you've been putting the moves on me more than that? No way in hell. I would have known!”

“Hey Tucker can you help me find my underwear, I lost it in my bed.” Kai was stone faced. “Hey Tucker the pool’s not the only thing making me wet. Hey Tucker why don't we play football, I'll be the receiver. Hey Tucker do you-”

“You know I hate football!” Tucker pouted.

“That's not the fucking point you dumbass!”

“Then what is!?”

“The point is I was coming onto you all throughout high school and you didn't want any part of it. But now suddenly we've graduated and all you fucking care about is getting in my pants. So fuck you Tucker. I don't need your sorry dick, I get enough ass on my own!” Kai threw the bottle at him, forcing Tucker to catch it awkwardly.

“Jokes on you because I spent all of high school fantasizing about you!” Tucker took a big swig from the bottle. “Shit! How do you drink this?!” He coughed hard trying to ignore the shit eating grin on Kai’s face. “You know what, I'm going to do it right now!” Tucker closed his eyes for dramatic effect.

“Don't you dare!” Kai gasped.

“Ohhh yeah. You're taking off your skirt. You're straddling my face. Your thighs are on both sides of my head, my hands are on your ass-”

“Oh fuck off. That is so unrealistic. You would never eat me out.” Kai’s voice was above him. Tucker opened one eye to look at her.

“You don't know that.” 

“Fine, the only reason you would is because you want me to go down on you.” She crossed her arms. Her voice dripped with bitterness. Tucker didn't want to admit she was right. 

“So. You get your pussy serviced and I get my dick sucked. Win-win.” He shrugged. 

“You know nothing about giving to people.” Kai’s voice was defeated. 

“We’re never going to fuck are we?” It was Tucker's turn to sound defeated.

“You don't remember last night at all do you?” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm much more a Tucker/Kai friendship but I wanted to explore some of their relationship because there's always been at least attraction between them. Also, I'm sure you can all tell this is inspired by a lot of their interactions in S16.


	4. How Kai Got Burned

“Yeah he's in the closet. He's ready to go, sis!” Donut was basically shoving Kai into the dark closet. Not that she was objecting, she was just far too drunk to coordinate her movements.

She tried to find the apparent sex machine Donut told her about but the door clicked shut behind her, taking any light with it.  Blindly, she reached out making contact with someone’s shoulders. Whoever they were, they were shorter and slimmer than her. She pulled him toward her, was he _giggling_?

Kai lunged forward, successfully locating his mouth. Her hands slid down his body until she found what she came in here for; some dick. Dropping to her knees, Kai opened her mouth to say something when a familiar voice reached her first.

“Oh fuck yeah, baby!” O _h fuck no. Tucker._

She scooted back instinctively.

“Where's the light, get the light!” she tried to stand reaching upward trying to find a chord, a switch, a something. She couldn’t be in a dark closet with Tucker! She was still mad at him.

“Kai? Shit you changed your mind?” Kai felt Tucker’s mouth on her body as she found a chord and pulled it hard. _Fucking Donut…_ She shoved Tucker away and he fell on his ass, looking up at her with dopey eyes and a giant grin. _Holy shit he’s wasted._ She looked around. If she stood still enough the room rocked back and forth. _Holy shit I'm wasted._

“No, I just…” Kai sat down on a box. _If there’s ever a time to finally just fuck Tucker it's now._ She leaned toward him, lost her balance, and fell into his lap. He looked down at her with his big soft brown eyes. _Yeah now’s the fucking time, let’s go baby._

“Kai, you're so fucking cool.” He cut her off, confusing her. What happened to his motives?  He sighed. “You're just… the coolest. And I messed everything up! We had such a good thing, me and you, and then this and that and that other thing.” He threw his hands up and stuck out his lower lip. Kai forgot how much he pouted. “What happened?”

Kai considered, _If there’s ever a time to confront Tucker about all that… all that bullshit, it isn't now._ She watched him grab a bottle of tequila off the shelf and take a deep drink. He laughed with a little shriek. He let the bottle roll away from him.

“You happened!” _Whelp, guess it’s time._ “We were all on track to bang, then you had to pull the just-friends card, and then _you_ tried to flip it back! You don’t get to decide what we’re doing!”

“Really?” Tucker looked like he was about to cry.

“Yeah, just like that!” More or less. High school seemed so long ago, but it really wasn’t. They had a two year difference. Kai came in as a freshman, enamored by Lavernius Tucker, the cocky junior  basketball player. He didn’t really want anything to do with her (or so she thought). Tucker graduated and decided that they could be friends, but no more. Kai had been burned but accepted it. Then, once Kai graduated he was suddenly interested in only her body.. Kai still felt stung by it all. Somehow she was always the one on the down side. She was the loser for trying to get with Tucker, she was the idiot who wasn’t aware Tucker didn’t want her, and now she was the frigid bitch who wouldn’t sleep with him. She peered at him as he cried. She thought this would feel better, but she just felt like a bitch.

Kai grabbed the bottle of tequila and passed it back to him, of all the closets to be in a liquor supply closet was probably the best. He was practically chugging it until she grabbed the bottle and gently pulled it from him. Kai couldn’t believe she was being nice to him. All of those texts back and forth for two years, playing wingman for each other, becoming closer and closer until suddenly he decided he needed more from her for their relationship to be worthwhile. Hadn’t he had his chance? She was too drunk to think about this any more.

“Just, stop crying… moron.” She was still in his lap so she only had to lean her face up a little to kiss him. Nothing super special, she just knew that this was a surefire way to shut a man up. She positioned her legs around him.

“What?” Poor Tucker was so drunk he couldn’t even figure out what was happening.

“We’re doing this. Tonight. And then we are never talking about it ever again!” Kai thought for a second. “Unless it’s really good, then we do it a lot but we don’t talk about it!” Kai peeled her shirt off enjoying the glint in Tucker’s eyes.

“Kai…” His voice dripped with lust. His hands reached out to grope her body, his face was buried in her neck, her hands were below his belt,  _fuck this feels so good. Fuck we should have done this a long time ago._

“Kai!” His voice was different. “Kai we shouldn’t. We should just be friends! Always!”

“Ugh!” Kai groaned and got off of him. “That’s it, we’re done!” She grabbed the bottle of tequila and threw it at his groin, causing him to roll over. “I don’t want _anything_ to do with you ever again! I… I hate you Tucker!” She stormed for the door, grasping the handle. It didn’t move. She tried again, and again, but it didn’t budge.

“Donut!” She banged on the door, hoping he was still standing outside it. “Donut, let me out!” There were angry tears on her face. On the other side of the door she heard someone screechingly doing a Taylor Swift rendition. No one could hear her, but she kept beating and Tucker kept drinking, but nothing got better. Finally she gave in to see that Tucker had near finished off the tequila and had somehow managed to pass out. She hoped he choked in his sleep…  _Ok maybe not chokes. But I hope he throws up and rolls in it._

Her rage and the tint of alcohol started to wear off. She just felt tired. So she sat as far away from Tucker as she could and rested against her arm and just tried to go to sleep. Someone would open the door eventually, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to explore what could have caused their fallout in this universe. As I said, I'm definitely a Kai and Tucker friendship person, but let's make them suffer a little for that friendship.


	5. How Grif Became the D.D.

Grif had planned on drinking tonight, he really had. How else was he supposed to make it through? He had waved at Tucker setting up on the stage and beelined straight for the bar, but Donut had beaten him to it and already ordered five long islands.

“Donut, you drove us here. You can’t drink and drive.” Grif watched the way Donut eyed the bartender.

“Oh! Grif you are so right! Thank you for offering to drive!” Donut took two of the drinks, passing one to Simmons and one to Kai. “Kai, be a doll and give that to Tucker!” By way of refusal she simply walked away with the drink, leaving Donut holding out the glass.

“I got it,” Simmons took the drink, “but why did you get five?”

“Oh! I just prefer to have one in each hand!” Donut put both straws in his mouth and took a long sip. Yeah, Grif was definitely driving home tonight. He and Simmons shared a look before he departed to deliver the drink.

Grif sat at the bar and ordered a beer. He wasn’t getting through this night without at least that. He really didn’t want to be here, he didn’t like rap anyway and Tucker’s rap was absolutely intolerable. He also had a policy about doing things with people from work and that policy was that he didn’t do things with people from work. Work people stayed at work. Simmons sat next to him, like a reminder of the exception. _Simmons isn’t work people. Simmons is Simmons._

“What’s even in this?” Simmons toyed with the straw of his untouched drink.

“So much.” Grif sighed. “I do not want to be here.”

“Oh.” Simmons looked hurt.

“Do you want to be here?”

“No, but I like being out with yo- everyone.” He shoved the straw in his mouth, trying to gain a little time.  “I like sitting here, I like being social, I like this drink, actually.” He took a big sip.

“Are we having a good night?!” Tucker’s voice drew his attention to the rinky dink stage at the back of the bar. He looked out over the room behind a pair of oversized sunglasses. _It’s so fucking dark in here, what a fucking prick._

“We’ll see how long you like everything, bud.” Grif took a gulp of beer and settled in for what he was sure was going to be a long night.

 

Tucker was pulled off the stage three songs in, making the whole reason they came completely void.Fucking Donut kept buying his sister and Simmons shots, and Grif couldn’t stop it from happening. Before he could intercept, the three had downed them all. Kai was normally a party kind of drunk, but tonight she seemed to be too close to Tucker because all she did was bitch about him to anyone that would listen. And Simmons, well, Grif only knew Simmons as a horny drunk, but tonight some guy at the other end of the bar reminded him of his dad so he was crying about that. Jesus, this night went from bad to worse. To top it off, whenever he tried to round everyone up to leave, Donut would suddenly go missing. He needed a fucking cigarette.

He left the bar with Kai screaming at Simmons and Simmons crying actual goddamn tears. Standing on the concrete stairs he could only hear the faintest of music from inside. He smoked one cigarette, then another. He opened his phone and scrolled mindlessly on Reddit, anything to stay out of whatever mess was happening inside. From inside there was a change in sound. Rather than the low, ambient background music loud pop beats came pouring out. Someone was fucking wailing in there. _What if it’s Kai?_ His sibling instinct kicked in and he burst back through the door.

It was not Kai. It was Simmons. Simmons wailing the lyrics to Taylor Swift’s _Bad Blood._ He instinctively grabbed for his phone because he fucking knew that blackmail was always good to have around. But God, Simmons is so stupid and so cute when he does this shit. Which is rarely. Simmons rarely breaks down and becomes human, it’s always facts this, logically that, and it just felt good to watch him scream some mindless pap music with Donut. Grif recorded it but he wasn’t sure if it was for blackmail or for his own self-indulgence to return to when he needed a happy reminder.

Grif took a seat at the bar again, making the decision that once this song was over, they would go home. So the song ended, there were a couple of hoots and hollers from the crowd for Donut’s and Simmons’ performance, but Simmons wasn’t paying attention to them. He was staring down Grif. His eyes were set and determined, but the left eye, the human eye, kept rolling to the side a bit. He was wasted, absolutely, totally wasted. Simmons sauntered over to Grif’s barstool, leaning against his chest, body between Grif’s knees. Grif laughed and shook his head.

“Take me home.” Simmons punctuated his words with finger pokes to the belly. “Buy me a drink, then… slap my ass home…”

Yeah, that was the drunk Simmons Grif knew. Sloppy enough to finally be human, and absolutely horny as fuck.

“No more drinks.” There was no malice in Grif’s voice, just a bewildered endearment. Simmons stuck out his lip, pouting. _God he’s so fucking cute._ “I will take you home once we get everyone together though.” Simmons lips reversed direction making the biggest dopiest smile. Grif could feel himself melting inside, fuck that was lame. Simmons was leaning up toward Grif's face, he was shocked. Simmons never went for PDA.

“I’m going to suck you dry.” Simmons lips were against Grif’s ears for a moment before he slipped and fell, catching himself on Grif’s knees.

“You’re such a fucking loser.” Grif smiled fondly. “Let’s get you home.” He searched the room, making eye contact with Donut across the way. With a nod, Donut headed over. Sidling up, he eyed Simmons, who was still hanging off Grif’s knees.

“You couldn’t wait til you got home?” Donut’s eyebrows waggled.

“Where’s Kai?” Grif was not playing his games. He was done, it was time to go home.

“Ah, she’s… went with a guy.”

“Fucking… Of course. Yeah, fine. Of course she did because she can’t listen for shit.” Grif’s eyes gave one last search around the room but Donut was right, she was nowhere to be seen. “Let’s get a move on, give me your keys.”

Even though the bar was less than five miles away, they had to stop three separate times. Simmons kept heaving in the passenger seat and Donut was screaming about the seat covers. But finally they pulled up to the apartment complex and Grif hefted a half-asleep Simmons up the outside stairs to dump him on the couch.

“Grif, Grif, wait.” Grif followed his instructions for once, leaning down where Simmons was laying on the couch. “Don’t you want to, you know, just, _you know_ …”

“Not tonight, Simmons. Go to bed.” He did want to, _you know_ , but this was Simmons. Simmons was more important than a good fuck. He wasn’t about to ruin everything for one stupid, amazing night. It wasn’t even a thought process, he just knew that he couldn’t do this their relationship. Grif kissed Simmons forehead absentmindedly, before remembering Donut was sitting in his armchair, positively giggling. “Shut the fuck up, Donut.”

Sleep felt right there, but he kept thinking about Kai. Rolling over for the 18th time, _where is she? Why couldn’t she just_ tell _me she was leaving. I hope she’s ok._ He could hear sound from the living room, Donut and Simmons talking. He wanted to be annoyed, but the sound was relaxing. Grif liked knowing someone was here, even if it wasn’t Kai. It felt comfortable and right. He closed his eyes and settled in.

 

“Hmm?” There was someone in his bed. Kai hadn’t gotten into bed with him in so many years, and even then she had just had an awful nightmare. The someone was getting way closer, much closer than sibling close. He woke enough to realize the height and thinness could only be one person. Grif was actually happy to have Simmons in bed with him so he rolled over to envelop him in the big overwhelming kind of embrace he knew Simmons loved.

Immediately, Simmons was kissing Grif’s face, edging toward his lips. Grif gave in, letting Simmons lips find his own. He wrapped his arms around Simmons’ torso, feeling his soft skin. Simmons tasted like turning 21 in a college town; an amalgamation of alcohol that would probably result in a blackout disaster and a killer hangover the morning after. Blackouts was a very Simmons thing. Something like 80% of drinking nights for Simmons ended in a huge question mark.

In a more callous man, this would mean a lot more of _you know._ But instead, Grif pulled apart from Simmons letting his hand hold onto the flesh of his back. _Hold on… is he? Oh god he is._ Simmons' bare legs rubbed against Grif’s shorts.

“Come on, let’s get it on!” Simmons practically launched himself at Grif, wrapping his arms around his neck.

“Oh you fucking dork.” Grif rolled to put Simmons back on his back. He hated the way Simmon’s little yelp and the anticipation in his eye’s turned him on. He swallowed his sexual eagerness and reached toward the floor. Coming back up he whispered, “Come here.”

Grif pulled the slightly dirty shirt over Simmons’ head, ignoring his disappointment. Grif layed back on his side and gently pulled Simmons face toward him, softly placing a kiss on his forehead. Simmons didn’t look disappointed anymore, he looked content. He looked sleepy, drunk, and so fucking cute in Grif’s way-too-big shirt. _He won’t remember any of this. I could do… anything._

“I swear to whatever higher power put me here, I’m going to marry you, and I’m going to make you happy every day for the rest of your life.” Grif ran his thumb over Simmons cheekbone, loving the way Simmons pressed against his hand and closed his eyes.

“You promise?” Simmons eyes were still closed, his voice interlaced with vodka, rum, tequila and whatever else was in that long island.

“I fucking promise. I’m going to piss you off with my messes, and I’m going to make you gluten free cookies, and I’m going to kiss you, every day, you goddamn nerd.”

“What kind of cookies?” He sounded so sleepy, so soft.

“Whatever kind you want.” Grif put his arm around Simmons pulling him in tighter.

“You’re so warm.” Simmons snuggled into his chest. His eyes opened hazily, “Do you love me, Grif?”

“With every part of me.”

“Good.” His eyes closed, Grif rest his chin atop Simmons’ head, feeling comfort in it all.

“I’ll never be able to give you everything you want, but damnit, I’ll never stop trying. Goodnight, Simmons.”

“Love you.”

“Yeah, love you too.”

  


It was morning, Simmons was moving. Just a little bit, but he was waking up. Grif was caught between hoping Simmons remembered and praying he had forgotten it all. He was distracted by Simmons toes wiggling, causing the blanket to move. It was his tell. Whenever he he started to overthink he tapped his toes.

“I can literally feel you overthinking.” He would never let on that he knew Simmons’ tell. He liked fucking with him. Grif reached a hand out as though it would stop his thinking. “Shhhhh….”  Simmons moved his head, staring around the room and regulating his breathing. Out of nowhere, he fucking squeaked. Grif choked down a laugh as Simmons rolled over to face him.

“Did we…?” So he didn't remember. Grif couldn't help the feelings of disappointment that bubbled up.

“You passed out drunk on my living room floor and crawled into bed with me an hour later. _You_ tried some shit but _I_ stopped it.” Grif tried to shove down all of that oversharing he had done.

“Well… thank you for preserving my dignity.” Simmons looked deep in thought.

“Dignity my ass.” Grif snorted as he recalled how hard Simmons had tried to get in his pants. _Maybe don’t lead with that._ “You dueted Taylor Swift with Donut at the bar. Oh also, you came in here ass naked and I had to put a fucking shirt on you.”

Simmons smelled the shirt, apparently disgusted though that was probably the cleanest shirt on his floor. He ripped it off exposing his fulling naked self. Grif smiled, raising his eyebrow. _God I love his stupid gangly body._ Grif’s eyes couldn’t stop scanning down, and on Simmons’ part he seemed really into it. Grif couldn’t miss the opportunity and gave a low whistle.

Simmons sprung out of the room to the living room. It vaguely occurred to Grif that maybe he should let him know that he wasn’t the only guest in the apartment-

“ _Holy Fuck, Donut?!”_

_Ah damn, too late._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a lot of beautiful, wonderful Grimmons feels for y'all.


	6. How Donut Planned It All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this taking so long! I haven't felt very motivated to write this fic for awhile! So thank you for coming back to read and finish out! One little epilogue to go

As soon as he heard Tucker suggest the gig, Donut was plotting. It would be a piece of cake. He could finally get Simmons and Grif together (for good this time) and it would be even easier to get Tucker and Kai sorted back out. All everyone needed was a little alcohol! So as soon as they opened the door to the bar, Donut ran to the bartender.

“I need 5 long islands,” Donut shouted, ensuring Grif heard his order. “Make 2 of them virgin long islands. I need them fast and I need you to act like I didn’t buy a nonalcoholic drink. Also, my name is Franklin Delano Donut and you are one dreamboat Daddy.” The bartender barely reacted to Donut’s most winning wink, but that would be a travesty for another day. Grif sat at the stool, watching Donut grab the drinks.

“Donut, you drove us here. You can’t drink and drive.”  _ Oh! Right into my trap! My love trap! _

“Oh! Grif you are so right! Thank you for offering to drive!” Donut grabbed two of the alcoholic drink and passed them to Kai and Simmons. “Kai, be a doll and give that to Tucker!” She walked away, slurping down the beverage.  _ Maybe that one will be harder than I thought. _

“I got it,” Simmons took the drink, “but why did you get five?” Donut winked at the bartender as he grabbed the last two.

“Oh! I just prefer to have one in each hand!” Donut used his tongue to collect both straws into his mouth. He sipped, making sure that there was no alcohol in the concoction. He was safe. He needed a clear mind to pull off this heist. 

With any luck, Grif and Simmons would sort themselves out. Simmons needed to be drunk to get into any of his feelings; Grif was a little less stuck up about it. He just needed to know that Simmons wasn’t going to freak out and he’d open up like a well lubed roommate. Donut made a mental note to save that one for later. It was on the nose, but hey- it’d freak everyone else out, and boy wouldn’t that be fun! Simmons sat beside Grif and the two got to talking, just like Donut wanted.  _ I am a genius! A love genius! _

“Are we having a good night?!” Tucker was starting, and he was searching around the room looking for any ladies he could pull in. Donut hated to admit it, but his rapper angle would probably work. He had to stop him before he could get too deep into it. But right now, he had to get Kai and Simmons absolutely tanked!

Donut became friends with bartender Daddy, giving him an extra big tip  _ (another one to write down!) _ if he would keep the drinks flowing. Simmons would be easy; three drinks in and he’d be comfortably drunk. Kai would need at least 7 before she’d even consider Tucker. 

Three songs into Tucker’s set, Donut paid the manager to pay Tucker to get off the stage. He knew he’d need damage control so Tucker wouldn’t be depressed and weepy if he got close enough to Kai so he made his way across the room with a shot glass of rum for Tucker and cola for himself.

“Hey bud!” Donut offered the shot, watching Tucker down it.

“Thanks for coming, sorry I suck.” Tucker flagged down the bartender, requesting two more.

“Did you see Kaikaina is here?” He pointed across to find that Kai was yelling at some poor guy who had bought her a drink.  _ Uh oh… _

“Yeah, probably just to… hook up with some guy and  _ rub _ it in my face. Fucking bitch.” Tucker’s head wobbled over to look at Donut.  _ Double uh oh. _

“Tucker, that’s probably why she doesn’t like you. You can’t call everyone a bitch just because they won’t sleep with you. And you really shouldn’t call someone you have feelings for a bitch.”

“What? What the fuck are’ya talkin bout?” The bartender made it over with two shot glasses which Tucker slammed back. “I don’t have feelings for her, dude. I mean… missing her is’n a feeling, right?”

“I think it might be.”

“Well fine! I have a feelings for Grif’s sister! Whoopity doo!” Tucker smiled big, laughing a little.

“How do you miss her, Tucker?”

“I miss…. Talking. And laughing. And tellin’ jokes. Yeah, Kai had good jokes. Have you ever heard,” Tucker paused, making eye contact with a blonde who was definitely using her flirty eyes. 

“Heard what?” Donut had to get this back on track.

“What?”

“Tucker, what about Kai.”

“I miss her dude. She’s like, the fucking coolest friend I ever had. Hey, you think I could get some of that?” Tucker pointed at the blonde. 

“Tucker, you miss Kai as a friend. I need you to remember that ok? Think less with your dick and more with your heart!” Donut groaned.

“What?”

“Get in the closet.” Donut stood up, shoving Tucker toward the liquor closet. He was done. There were other fish to fry. Donut was thankful that he already made an arrangement to keep the closet shut for the night. Now he just had to get Kai in there so they could talk out their feelings.

He heard her yelling, the unfortunate victim was none other than a crying Simmons. Grif was nowhere to be seen.  _ Well shit on a biscuit! _

“Kaikaina!” He grabbed her by the arm, watching her stumble a little over her feet but mostly maintain her balance. She definitely wasn’t 7 drink Kai yet, so he had to play this different. “I have a lovely gentleman suitor who is dying to get to know you and confess some things.”

“Wait… Donut, I don’t want  _ love _ or anything. I just wanna bone.” Kai laughed loud. Good to know that her angry phase wore off quickly.

“Yeah he's in the closet. He's ready to go, sis!” Donut pushed her in and shut the closet behind. Thinking quickly, he shoved a table in front of the door, jamming it in place.

“Now to fix this Simmons mess!” Donut didn’t bother going to the source; he went to the jukebox. 

“Something upbeat, fast, and perky!” Donut frowned. The selections were sparse. Maybe his friend, bartender and potential love interest, could help him out. A few more dollars and a couple big eyelashed winks got him to the audio jack. Taylor Swift could take it from here. Donut knew that Simmons had a soft spot for the blonde songstress, especially her  _ 1989 _ work (and he couldn’t blame him).  Before long, the intro to  _ Bad Blood  _  was on the stereo and Donut was beside Simmons. 

“Don’t you just love this song? The upbeatness, the fastness, the perkiness! Makes you forget about all your said Daddy drama, right, Simmons?” Donut slid him a cup of water. He may have overdone it on the shots earlier, but that would be Grif’s problem.

“Donut, my dad… he’s never going to forgive me! He thinks I’m… I’m a… homo.” Simmons leaned onto Donut’s shoulder, sobbing.

“I mean… Aren’t you? I have seen your hands  _ literally _ down Grif’s pants-”

“I’m not gay, Donut.” Simmons sat up and hiccuped in offense.

“We have different definitions of gay then, Simmons.” Simmons responded by heaving a sob and rubbing his face into Donut’s very nice shirt that really shouldn’t have snot on it. The song was moving on, time was running. “I bet you don’t know all of the lyrics to the chorus.”

And something magically snapped in Simmons. He hopped for the taunt and proved that not only did he know all of the lyrics in the song, but that he could also be a hell of an entertainer. Simmons voice pitched a few octaves and man, could that boy dance… like an awkward white boy, but he was an awkward white boy so what else was there to say. 

Grif walked in, alarmed, and Donut wished he could have recorded the moment. It was better than any Lifetime movie he had seen in a long time. Grif liked to say he didn’t have feelings or any emotions, but quite a few flooded his face when he saw Simmons singing and dancing, all culminating in a giant sappy “I love him” smile. Now Donut just had to get him to admit it.

He started to scheme when Simmons made his way across the bar, collapsing into Grif.  _ Fine. Easier for me.  _ Donut wasn’t upset at the lost chance to meddle a little more. Not at all. So what if Grif and Simmons were falling back into love and probably going to get married now and it wasn’t going to be all from Donut’s doing. Not a loss or anything. But they better at least thank him in the wedding program, because otherwise that would just be rude. And then Simmons face was  _ in Grif’s crotch. _ It was about to be lewd if Donut didn’t stop that right then.

“You couldn’t wait til you got home?”

“Where’s Kai?”  _ Oh shit, Kai. _

“Ah, she’s,” Kai was hopefully pulling a well meaning apology out of Tucker, but equally likely, Kai was pulling on his dick. “Went with a guy?” He muttered. Someone would get them out, they just need more time.

“Fucking… Of course. Yeah, fine.” And so they all piled into his car and made it to Grif’s apartment (though Simmons kept repeatedly yelling “I’m going to heave” and then Donut kept repeatedly yelling about the seat covers and then Simmons kept repeatedly not heaving and just making googoo eyes at Grif). 

Donut played drunk beautifully, forcing Grif to carry Simmons up to the couch on his own. Really, someone should have paid him for the performance that allowed the Lifetime gay romance bloom before him. Donut wiped off the armchair before taking his seat, trying his best to eavesdrop on the quiet conversation between his coworkers.

“Not tonight, Simmons. Go to bed.” And then, Donut couldn’t write this, Grif kissed Simmons’ forehead. He gasped and fluttered, before remembering that he had to look much less aware and as though he had a plan and that that plan was coming together. He wondered how his other plan was going. By now, Kai would hopefully be hugging Tucker as he cried out his regret and shame. Donut giggled. “Shut the fuck up, Donut.”

And then, the stupid bastard, he went to his room without Simmons. Alright, so apparently the plan wasn’t going  _ exactly  _ as imagined, but Donut could do wonders with Dick! Especially when he was that drunk and agreeable.

“Simmons? Did Grif seem particularly  _ eager _ tonight? Like maybe he was angling for some ginger loving?”

“No no. He does’n want any of  _ that. _ I asked! He said no! To me!” Simmons rolled over on the couch so he could look at Donut.

“Do you think he’s playing hard to get?”

“Grif? Nooo… He’s easy. He tells me when and where he wans me.” _ Good to know the dynamics there… _

“I think he did!” Donut feigned a moment of enlightenment. “Simmons, I think he wants you, right now! In his bed!”

“No. Grif is more… obvious.” And then, good old reliable anxious Simmons started to overthink. “But, what if he was being obvious… Donut. Does Grif want to... _ fuck? _ ” Simmons whispered even though they were the only two in the room.

“Oh I’d say make love, but that’s just a preference.”

“So…” What an idiot for such a bossy know-it-all.

“So you should go to him! Run right to him, you need to come to him Simmons!” 

“No he’d tell me.” Apparently Donut has to do everything. He stood and grabbed Simmons arm, pulling him up.

“Come on, you’re going to fall in love and you  _ will  _ thank me in your wedding. Come on.” Outside the door, Donut got an idea. “Get naked. He wants you naked.”

So Donut gave stupid naked Simmons a slap on the ass and sent him in. Behind the door he heard sloppy kissing, which was to be expected, but that wasn’t the main event. Donut set this up for love, so he would be here to ensure that love happened. He’s not a perv, he just had to see this through. So Donut slid down against the wall, sat through the kissing and the words of lovers, and then he got what he came for:  _ Do you love me, Grif?  _ And the response everyone knew:  _ With every part of me. _


	7. How To Deal After the Fact (Epilogue)

The break room was quiet. Tucker avoided Grif’s angry glare, Simmons tried to hide his peeks at Grif’s face (his own face becoming more and more red with each glance), Church looked back and forth between everyone. 

“What the  _ fuck  _ happened.” Church rolled his eyes. “You idiots do  _ one,  _ one goddamn, thing together outside of work and everything is messed up.”

“It isn’t my fault Grif’s sister is a-” Tucker stood from the chair he had been sulking in.

“You’re the one who got her into that closet-” Grif leaned back in his own seat.

“I didn’t and anyways, she she shouldn’t be such-”

“I swear to  _ god  _ if you call her a fucking whore again, you’re dead. Tucker I will fucking skin you alive!” Grif’s voice cracked. Simmons put a worried hand on his shoulder. Grif turned to look and the moment their eyes met they both pushed their chairs away and looked opposite directions.

“What the hell happened with you two? Lover’s spat?” Church prodded.

“I don’t love him!” Simmons spit the words while his face reddened. His toes began to tap.

“Yeah, sure, that’s why you wouldn’t leave me alone all night.”

“I was  _ drunk _ .” Simmons hissed. “You know I can’t control myself when I’m drunk.”

“They say that when you’re drunk your true intentions come out.” Donut added with pep, having just come in the room. All eyes in the room went to the new voice.

“And you were the one who kept giving him drinks.” Grif pointed out, trying to bring it back to blame and not a discussion about their very private love life.

“Wait- You were also giving  _ me _ liquor all night.” Tucker rounded on him.

“And Kai!” Grif leaned forward quickly.

“Donut?  _ Why  _ were you getting everyone drunk? What  _ possible  _ intentions could you have had? What were you doing?” Simmons voice rose with every question.

“A thankless job apparently!” Donut groaned. “You,” He pointed at Tucker, “Need to apologize to Kai for only thinking with your dick but you’re too stubborn to do it sober. And she was far too angry with you to even  _ look _ at you! So yes, I got both of you nice and liquored up and forced you to be together. But even that didn’t work! So now here I am saying it out loud: I need you to open up and let someone love you right! Apologize to Kai!”

“Yeah Tucker. Apologize to Kai.” Grif smirked before Donut flipped on him. 

“And you two! You weren’t supposed to admit you love each other just to turn around and freeze the other out.” Simmons went bright red while Grif felt the sweat start to build on his back. “You need to stop being so  _ frigid  _ and you need to stop being so  _ stubborn _ . Jeeze louise! I have to do everything around here. Everyone knows you love each other, so stop acting like it’s embarrassing. The only embarrassing thing is that neither of you will admit how much you need each other.” Donut opened the door before finishing his tirade.

“I am done! I am done passing myself around to let all of you ride me and my goodwill for not one thank! You’re all useless without me but next time you’re moaning and groaning for me, I will not listen, no sirree. You’ll just have to go around begging me and I won’t listen!” Donut started through the door while carrying on. “I will be too busy giving myself to every other man who will actually appreciate what I can do! How I can bend and figure around their every wish…”

Church let a short chuckle out before fully breaking into a laugh. He looked around at the room of employees. Starting sentences before breaking off at his laugh. “Tucker…. You… Heh! And Grif! Oh my god…”

“He’s full of shit.” Grif grumbled while carefully reaching under the table to find Simmons’ hand. Simmons looked away and tapped his fingers against Grif’s palm. Tucker grumbled and pulled out his phone to send a long overdue text. Church continued to laugh before composing himself.

“Get the fuck to work, I’m not paying you guys for nothing.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SHE DID IT. SHE FINALLY DID IT. I haven't worked on this in like.... half a year. I'm so sorry, ahhhhhhh. But there ya go. The final epilogue. Thank you thank you thank you! Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading this fic!
> 
> As a side note, I reread to make sure I was still consistent with the fic, and I can see how much growth I've had since beginning this one. So if you liked this... try one of my newer ones!


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